Any toon fan out of short pants knows that the club resembles a lunatic asylum at the best of times. Terrible PR, silly wages, sillier transfer fees, maverick directors, mental players, bizarre team formations, players played out of position, crazy managerial appointments and dismissals and so on. We’ve had plenty of humiliations over the years, like Kieron Dyer’s bust-up with Lee Bowyer, and Freddie and Doug’s broadcast to the Geordie nation from a whorehouse; but we’ve been able to laugh them off by and large and move on, haven’t we? However the events of the last few days take some beating, they really do, and are totally baffling and disappointing even by NUFC standards.

When Mike Ashley took over, we all thought he would inject some much overdue professionalism and intelligence into the running of the club. However the wheels have well and truly come off now, to the extent the club resembles one of those rickety clown cars at the circus, where everything falls off the car before the fat clown gets out and trips over his feet. Except no-one on Tyneside is laughing right now, Mr Ashley. We are well and truly a club in crisis, with the Board and fans at war, and the season’s only 3 matches old! You really couldn’t make it up….

You have to wonder whether the club’s hierarchy understands much about our club at all. Like the deep affection and respect for Keegan is held in by those supporters who remember his years of service to the club on and off the field. Or the deep hole we were in when Keegan took over from Allardyce. Or the terrible impact that his departure will have on the club, the supporters and the playing staff. And don’t even get me started on Dennis f*cking Wise, a man deemed more important to the club than Keegan! It seems to me the club basically doesn’t care about the average supporter. The lack of communication with fans, the lack of significant signings, swingeing price rises, and now the forcing out of Keegan all show a basic lack of respect and appreciation for the club’s support and its traditions. As a result, for all his man of the people act, his motives in buying our club remain suspect and his failure to support Keegan in the course of this crisis has created an impression of South East vs North East and alienated supporters against him. I wouldn’t stand with the fans again in a hurry if I were you, Mike.

The fact is, we’ve been a club in decline for a long time now. Successive inept managerial appointments from Souness through to Allardyce have left the club with a mediocre and thin squad, faltering ambition and a reduced standing in the game. These issues have not really been addressed, despite the much heralded changes in the set-up. Against a bleak economic outlook, is it any wonder that people are reconsidering whether they want to spend a fortune to be bored rigid by a bunch of underachieving and overpaid self obsessed ’stars’? The cracks in our support were starting to show even before this debacle. The lack of sustained investment in first team players hasn’t helped to put bums on seats either.

In my opinion, Keegan represented far more in many people’s eyes than just another manager: he represented the hope of better things to come, and most importantly a bit of craic and entertainment on a Saturday afternoon, something to look forward to. He understood that people want to go to the match to forget their troubles, not to add to them. Now that dream has been shot at dawn, presumably we can look forward to some lickspittle Carlos the Coach-io coming in from a second rate La Liga team to rescue our season. With Dennis Wise’s players. Because this fits our wonderful ’system’. Brilliant.

Now I realise that I’m overlooking the plus points to Ashley’s tenure. He’s paid off the debt (so we’re told), so no Leeds style financial melt down for us (not that other clubs somehow manage to cope with high levels of debt and invest in their teams). And we’ve got in place a great scouting system which means in 5 or 6 years time we may or may not have a great crop of Wenger style foreign youngsters to bring into the first team, or more likely to sell to a really ‘big’ club. And we’ve got in place a fantastic management set up which means no manager will ever have to worry about finding and signing his own players ever again (well it works for Barcelona, doesn’t it?). Forgive me if I’m not creaming my pants at this point in time at all that as I survey our understaffed and mediocre squad, with our best manager since Robson in the dustbin, and another season of struggle ahead.

I’m not so naive that I don’t imagine there was fault on both sides with the Keegan debacle. Keegan is a notoriously headstrong and stubborn man for all his qualities and has a track record of threatening to walk if transfers aren’t going to his liking. But my point is this: why employ him in the first place, knowing the man he is, if this was the plan? Why employ him in a system where he would have no say in major transfer decisions, how many older style managers would tolerate that? And why put Dennis Wise in charge of the whole thing, a man who as Sir Alex Ferguson said could start an argument in an empty house? Surely all of this was totally predictable and ultimately avoidable?

However for me the craziest thing about this episode is that at this point in our history, Keegan has been allowed to walk away. For the sake of club, the players and the fans, in my opinion Ashley should have swallowed his pride and done whatever was necessary to keep him. Because this club, at this time and given its recent history, desperately needs Keegan far more than it needs Dennis Wise. Not only because of his standing with the fans, players, the media, not only because of his talent and his understanding of and love for the club, not only because of the stability that he would have brought if allowed to get on with his job, but because of the hope and energy he represented. Keegan was a man to be trusted, Ashley isn’t, it’s as simple as that. Instead we’re a laughing stock again, and we’re left high and dry without a decent manager and with the transfer window closed. And the lingering suspicion we’re owned by an asset stripper who doesn’t understand football.

In the aftermath of the announcement of Keegan’s departure, it’s natural to start a hunt for the guilty. Was it Llambias’ fault (God knows what he adds to the club by the way, it’s not as if we’re a casino)? Or Wise? Or Jiminez? Or was it Ashley who pulled the trigger or failed to step in? Or maybe even Keegan himself? But honest to God, as I sit here, I don’t care anymore, it won’t make things better. We’re in the clarts, we’ve managed to make a mess of a promising position yet again, and God knows who’ll touch the job of manager (or should I say coach) with a bargepole given what’s happened. And without the right choice of manager, and some sustained success in the near future, you’d expect our better players to move on as fast as their feet will carry them (which is not very fast in Nicky Butt’s case).

My biggest fear is, once the anger and disgust at Ashley and Wise subsides, the club will drift further into decline on the back of apathy and boredom. Prudent value for money signings, a continental style management structure, a foreign coach and La Liga style tactics, living within your means, the offer for x player was too good to turn down, anyone want to buy Michael Owen, look at our excellent balance sheet blah blah blah – not really things to get the pulse racing are they? It speaks volumes that many people are praying for an Indian billionaire to rescue us from our current billionaire owner - so much for Ashley’s brave new world.

For me, that’s why letting Keegan go was an act of madness. Football isn’t a business like any other, it’s about hopes and dreams, fun and passion. For me, that’s what Keegan stood for, he was passionate and honest and knew what the fans wanted, and you knew he wouldn’t let the players short change the fans. Instead another period of decline and disappointment beckons. The fall out from this disaster could be long and sustained, and I really wonder whether this will be the last straw for many toon fans, I hope I’m wrong. The lunatics have taken over the asylum and God help us.

“May you live in interesting times” – ancient Chinese curse.

Trying to work out what is going on at NUFC is difficult at the best of times. In the days of Shepherd and the Halls, there was a steady flow of leaks which seemed to emanate from Gallowgate, some of which were even true from time to time (I got the impression Roeder and Souness in particular had more moles than a witch’s backside). Since the advent of Ashley and his cronies, hard news about the club is thin on the ground and you might get more insight from reading chicken entrails than reading the local and national media.

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Another manager comes and goes at the toon, achieves bugger all and leaves with his trousers stuffed with so much cash he has to be carried off in a removal van. Different face, same story but I’m trying not to feel too sorry for Allardyce; the millions will dull the pain of his dismissal, as will the luxury holiday in the Caribbean shortly before his next lucrative job offer. Not that I’m bitter, I just wish I could get that kind of contract for my own job.

Unlike his predecessors Roeder and Souness, I didn’t greet his appointment with dismay (or in Souness’s case, dismay, disgust, disbelief and nausea, the whole shebang). At the same time, I didn’t particularly like Allardyce’s style of football at Bolton and, to be frank, I thought he was a whingeing egotistical git. However he had the reputation of a meticulous planner and organiser, someone who could rebuild the foundations of the club which was badly needed, and eradicate the injury curse which had bedevilled us for seasons. I reckon many people felt the same way; given the state of the club, Allardyce wasn’t so bad (Bolton after all had just qualified for Europe) - maybe even the best we could get given the state of the club - and should be given a chance.

So, as the bellboy famously said to George Best (as he laid spreadeagled on a bed covered in cash next to Miss World), where did it all go wrong? It was all so different when Big Sam breezed into town, confidently predicting that he would get the club back on its feet with his methodical approach, vast backroom staff and use of sports science. Eight months later, his fat arse hits the toon scrapheap with a resounding clang and we are left scratching our heads wondering what the hell went wrong. Here’s my take:

1. The demise of the Axis of Evil (aka the Halls/Shepherds)

No doubt to Allardyce’s dismay, the club changed hands barely before he’d had time to unpack his medicine balls and chewing gum. In retrospect, one of the key reasons he was appointed by Freddy Shepherd was probably his ability to wheel and deal in the transfer market; the club was after all heavily in debt and transfer funds would be limited pending an upswing in the club’s fortunes. Mike Ashley on the other hand had plenty of cash for the right man to spend on his new plaything; unfortunately Allardyce was not Ashley’s man. As a result, whilst Ashley wiped out the clubs debts, the club stalled on signings in the summer - which Allardyce complained about at the time, claiming that the change of ownership had lost him many of his key targets - and only a modest amount of signings were made which were largely funded through player sales (the net spend was only 7m or so).

The clear message was therefore “prove to us that you’re the right man to spend the big bucks”. Sadly Allardyce was unable to do this in many ways. Whether the impetus for his dismissal was a row with Ashley over cash for transfers, the style of football or the lack of results, Allardyce was never likely to get the same patience from Ashley that he would have had from Freddy Shepherd.

2. The dodgy transfers

Allardyce deserves credit for clearing out much of the dead wood of previous administrations with the likes of Moore, Bramble and Luque hoyed out amidst much rejoicing by the faithful. For cancelling Babayaro’s contract alone, I will shake his hand if I ever meet him (provided he hasn’t read this), and my only regret in this respect is that he didn’t get round to our other perma-crock Stephen Carr at the same time. However the squad was already thin in numbers and with transfer funds evidently limited, he needed to bring in quality at a cheap price, something he was renowned for at Bolton.

A plethora of new signings were duly made before deadline day with the likes of Beye, Cacapa, Rozenhal, Smith, Faye, Enrique, Geremi and Viduka coming on board. On paper, these players seemed just what was needed towards adding strength and depth to the squad. However, how many of these players has really done the business for us over the 24 matches he was in charge? Possibly only Beye and Faye emerge with any real credit; for the rest, they have either needed to settle in (Cacapa, Rozenhal), lose weight and find some bloody motivation (Enrique, Viduka) or play in their proper position (Smith). I’m sure he will feel that many of his signings let him down.

And then there’s Joey Barton. Allardyce will have staked a huge amount of personal credibility on Barton’s signing, citing his successful record with bad boys like ‘Le Sulk’ Anelka and El Hadji ‘I spit in your face pigdog’ Diouf. Barton repaid Allardyce’s faith in him with indifferent displays on the pitch – at a time when we desperately needed him to fire – and by getting banged up over the festive season on charges of assault and battery (Happy New Year Sam, love Joey). It’s difficult to imagine that Ashley or Mort were impressed with his advocacy of Barton given what happened and what it said about Allardyce’s judgement. That’s like the chief engineer on the Titanic attacking a passenger with a monkey wrench and getting locked up in the brig with the iceberg looming. Nice one, Joey!

Given all of the above, with the new transfer window in full swing, it seems that Mike Ashley was not prepared to bankroll another round of Allardyce’s signings. It’s not difficult to see why when these are likely to be expensive signings rather than free dips into the bin ends of smaller European clubs.

3. The results

A win ratio of 33% was never going to good enough to keep him in a job (Roeder got 40% for God’s sake!) but more tellingly it was the nature of our defeats that counted against Allardyce most. Allardyce’s football philosophy seems to be that you ‘win ugly’ with percentage football – long balls pumped into the ‘right areas’ to win throw ins, corners and free kicks, scoring scruffy goals from set pieces – unfortunately more often than not, he only managed to lose ugly. Worse still there were some embarrassing results – losing to Derby and Wigan for instance, or the total shoeing off Liverpool – where we bent over and bared our cheeks before a ball was kicked.

While initially results were good (notwithstanding an embarrassing reverse at Derby), as time went on, the results got steadily worse. All the time, Allardyce refused to budge from his mantra of percentage football, stopping the opposition playing (regardless of whether they were any good), picking his favourites regardless of form or position, or making any concessions to entertainment. Perhaps more telling was the lack of ambition showed against the basement opposition, with a lucky draw at Sunderland incensing many fans in particular due to his tactics and team selection. This, I believe, proved to be dangerous when the owner stands with the fans to watch the match.

All of this would not have been an issue if Allardyce had got the results he needed, but the repeated spectre of a team in disarray, pumping the long ball forward and mustering precious little goal threat over the 90 minutes was always likely to be fatal against a backdrop of losses and lucky draws and a downward trajectory in the league table. Little wonder then that he was vulnerable when the paying customers booed the team off the pitch at home and away, and even memorably booed Allardyce when he caught the ball. Personally, I do not believe that Ashley was unduly swayed by the fans’ poor opinion of Allardyce, but fan hostility added to unacceptable results and boring football usually adds up to a P45 in the world of football.

For me, the most disappointing aspect was that there was little sign that the team was actually improving, notwithstanding that we seemed to be making clear progress in reducing the injury list and having a fuller squad to pick from than Roeder or Souness. The Holy Gospel according to the Press, Premier League managers and TV pundits (many of whom are Allardyce’s mates) is that he should have been allowed much more time to get things right. However, if the team is going backwards, the punters are walking out 20 minutes into the second half and the football’s dreadful after 8 months of intensive coaching, you might be tempted to conclude your manager doesn’t have a clue how to sort things out.

4. Player power
Strong rumours have persisted throughout the season that Allardyce had lost the dressing room. These rumours cited differences over tactics, team selection and favouritism, with senior players in open revolt over Allardyce’s emphasis on stopping the opposition from playing and percentage football. At one point, it was felt necessary for certain senior players to issue a press release denying the truth of these rumours. Then there was the issue of the players travelling rather than being at home over the Christmas period, where Allardyce it seems was forced to back down in the face of player pressure (thus ironically allowing Barton to go out on the lash).

It was however notable that Allardyce became more and more openly critical of his own players as time wore on. Surprisingly he admitted that many of his new defensive signings were not his first choice, as if he expected the men in question to be flattered by this admission. Then he began to pick on individual performances and name players he was disappointed with – when have you ever heard Ferguson or Wenger criticise their own players in public? Finally towards the end of his reign, he openly said he was not happy to place his trust in the players he had to safeguard his position. Hardly a vote of confidence in his own team then.

Of course, the players continued to make positive noises about ‘being right behind Big Sam’, but often the lacklustre performances on the pitch suggested otherwise. My impression was that all was not well between manager and playing staff and in these days of player power, a manager who loses the dressing room tends not to be employed for long. Perhaps we’ll have to wait for Michael Owen’s autobiography to learn whether there was any substance in the rumours.

5. The Panorama effect

Freddy Shepherd was hastily booted out of St James’ Park and his corporate box was cancelled. The gossip at the time – which has not been substantiated in any way – was that this was connected with allegations of impropriety over the transfer of Boumsong and the police raid on the club in connection with these. At the same time, Allardyce was Shepherd’s pick and had allegations levied against him in a BBC Panorama expose of football’s murky world of transfer dealings involving his son at Bolton. To date, those allegations have not been rebutted as far as I’m aware and Allardyce has maintained a determined boycott of the BBC in response.

Whilst Allardyce denied any wrongdoing and to date has not been charged with any offence, it may be that a scrupulously proper City lawyer like Chris Mort would be troubled by the association with Allardyce. To my mind, this would not be a decisive factor in any move to dismiss Allardyce, but would be another reason for his card to be marked. You may find it ironic that we then chased Redknapp, but then he was never really fingered by the programme and he certainly was never Shepherd’s man.

6. Clash of the Titans

Finally, the impact of egos in all of this cannot be underestimated. Ashley and Mort are very successful businessmen who are not used to people saying no. Indeed, Ashley is noted for ‘parking his tanks on the lawn’ in business situations to get his own way, and the manner in which he comprehensively outmanoeuvred Freddy Shepherd in buying the club illustrates the decisive and impulsive way in which he does business. Allardyce by the same token has complete conviction in his footballing methods, and a precondition of accepting the manager’s job was that he would be allowed to run things as wanted.

Whilst he has been allowed to make the changes to the coaching, scouting, training and medical set ups at the club that he demanded, it does not seem too far fetched to imagine that there was a ‘come to Jesus’ meeting with Mort and Ashley at which certain demands for improvement in performance and results were made, which Allardyce refused to accept or acknowledge. Indeed, it is probable that Allardyce continued to maintain that all was rosy in the garden when the evidence was obvious that the whole garden was riddled with blackspot and greenfly and needed to be burnt to the ground. Allardyce probably felt secure enough for the remainder of the season to put forward a ‘back me or sack me’ line, believing that he would turn it around eventually. In Wild West terms, at that point Ashley kicked over the table, drew his gun and filled Allardyce with lead, with Mort left as the undertaker.

In retrospect, I reckon Allardyce was a man who simply could not hack it in the white hot cauldron of pressure that is Newcastle. Certainly there seemed to be a palpable sense of relief about him once it was over, despite his claim of crushing disappointment at leaving. I’ve even heard it suggested that he hastened his own departure on purpose, the idea being that he was only too glad to get away with a bumper pay-off, a large dollop of sympathy from the press and his reputation intact. Personally I don’t buy that; Allardyce has always struck me as a man of convinced of his own ability, unshakeable in his belief in himself and his methods, the man who should be managing England. Whilst he will be relieved to be out of the firing line, and the money will no doubt soothe the pain somewhat, I don’t think he will be happy about failing - although I doubt he will blame himself, as usual.

In the meantime the club’s been royally savaged on all sides for its apparent presumption in sacking Allardyce after 24 matches, when apparently with more time and backing he would have been just as good as Ferguson or Wenger. Or even David Moyes perhaps! Now, you can criticise the timing of the decision and the fact that no-one was lined up to replace him, or even the lack of ambition in pursuing Harry bloody Redknapp, but in my opinion all the time in the world would not have made Allardyce a top class manager or Newcastle a top side in his hands. We would have had a nice empty stadium though. Say what you like about Allardyce, his sides are by and large terrible to watch, and Mike Ashley is a man who likes to win and have fun doing it. Exit Not-So-Big-Sam-After-All, tail between legs.

Overall, I believe that Allardyce was sacked because he was not Ashley’s man and the results were not good enough. The fact that his teams played awful football and he was unloved by the fans and players did not help, and I am sure that his unwillingness to compromise hastened his departure. Worst of all, it seems obvious now that he was dismissed on impulse without a better alternative being signed, sealed and delivered to take over. As we look back on this whole sorry episode therefore, it will seem to the seasoned observer that not much has changed since the haphazard hire ‘em and fire ‘em days of the Halls and Shepherds, and we have not learned from our past mistakes whilst the rest of the footballing world hoots with delight. God help us all.

The King is back! Long live the King! Walking along, singing a song, walking in a Keegan wonderland!

Well I didn’t see that one coming! I feel like a man who’s stepped in the road and been run over by a car - without the hospitalisation and months of rehab obviously (OK, so it was a crap metaphor). I’m numb, shocked, gobsmacked. I’m still trying to work out whether I’m elated or just plain s*** scared for what could happen! It’s been a fairytale few days without a doubt, even if in this instance the wicked stepmother got a multi-million pay off for half a season’s graft (the Board would like to thank Sam for all his hard work, yeah righto). More importantly I wonder if anybody made money from the bookies’ this time? You’d hope the charvas who regularly turn up on Sky Sports News interviews had a few quid on him (Interviewer: “Who would you like to see as manager then?” Street urchin in toon top: “Kevin Keegan, man! Aye and that Josy Moo-reen-yo! As joint managers! We’ll win the league, man!”)

The unceremonious departure of Sam Allardyce – or Sam Araldite as my mam-in-law insists on calling him (and I don’t think she realises that’s not his real name) – left most of us fearing for the future of our great club. It seemed that the mistakes of the past were being repeated when Not-So-Big-After-All-Sam was hoyed out on his capacious arse mid-season, and it became obvious that no definite replacement had been lined up. In that light, I was scared to death we would get another Freddy Shepherd-like appointment like the last three – a mediocre manager, out of his depth, brought in to steady the ship as another season or two of underachievement grinds by before the inevitable sacking.

In retrospect, I’ve probably been through a few emotions over the last few days. I howled in fear when ‘Arry Redknapp’s name was strongly linked, like an abused dog shown its master’s walking stick, and was in outright denial right up to the point he said no. I was bewildered with some of the names thrown out by the press and the rumour mongers which seemed to me beyond our pulling power – Mourinho, Lippi, Van Gaal, Deschamps etc. I was distinctly underwhelmed by most of the others mentioned (with all due respect to the likes of Hughes, Curbishley and the other managers we actually had a chance of recruiting). Most of all I was enraged by the one dimensional, ill-informed and bigoted reportage of most of the Press, including some of the so-called respectable papers.

I was also left scratching my head wondering whether Chris Mort was clueless, a bullshitter or just plain barking mad. As the Redknapp debacle unfolded, I was losing faith in the new Board. Until they appointed Keegan, that is. I’m sorry I ever doubted you Chris, and I promise not to believe the lies of the Press ever again, because they obviously didn’t have a clue what was going on and made most of their stories up (surprise surprise). I should add that most of them also obviously hate us, but let’s not worry about their wind and piss at this joyous time.

And what an appointment by Mort and Ashley! Initially, amongst the excitement, shock and numbness at the Geordie Messiah’s return – despite him being ‘1,000 per cent’ sure he’d never manage again – was a little small voice of calm that said this was a backward step when we should be looking forward with a ‘progressive’ international coach. I was sure when the new Board sat down and carefully considered their options, we would flash the cash in a desperate attempt to attract a top rank European coach. I convinced myself that maybe the likes of Deschamps might give it a go if nice Mr Ashley offered him enough money. If we were lucky.

However the more I think about it, the more this appointment makes perfect sense at a time of huge importance for us. In reality, our club has been in a steep unrelenting spiral of apathy, boredom and decline since the days of Sir Bobby, and I reckon there would have been a flood of supporters calling it a day at the end of the season. In addition, the quality of player and manager we can attract has declined markedly since Sir Bobby and we can’t even offer UEFA cup football to our players. And worst of all, we’ve got used to being a shambles on the pitch and off it, to the extent that there’s no end of toonhaters queuing up to point the finger and hoot with glee, like some kind of redneck rubberneckers at the scene of a car crash. We couldn’t be sure Mike Ashley would spend our way out of trouble either, with no prospect of a return on his money.

Against this backdrop, with confidence on and off the pitch paper thin and any matchday enjoyment and anticipation evaporating for the faithful, who better than to take this piece of road kill, apply the electro-paddles to its chest and jolt it back into life? Who better to get this club back on its feet, to breathe new hope and new life into the supporters and to bring some spark and romance back into the toon experience? Who better to get the players playing football with a smile on their face after Sam Allardyce’s miserable bastard fare? Who better to prise open Mr Ashley’s cheque book and get the major investment this club needs to get back in the hunt for honours? And best of all, King Kev is loved and respected by the supporters and will get the time he needs to build the playing squad back up again and get us challenging the top sides.

Of course, it may all turn to custard in the finest NUFC tradition but now is not the time for gloom mongering and nay-saying. Let’s breathe in the oxygen of a new beginning, put a smile on our faces and raise our glasses to a new dawn, and enjoy some craic for a change! Let’s look forward to the match again instead of dreading it! And let’s get down on our knees and pray this club has bloody well turned the corner at last.

There’s only one Kevin Keegan, one Kevin Keegan…..

It was a widely held view that, despite his massive contributions on the pitch, Alan Shearer was too influential in off-the-field matters during his playing days at St. James’s Park. It should come as no surprise then that his name continues to be linked with the manager’s job at the club, especially given the poor form the team has recently shown under the guidance of Sam Allardyce. To add fuel to the speculation, Shearer has been somewhat reticent in ruling himself out of the job.

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Whilst Big Al suns himself in the Carribean, and Big Mike chows down with the Chow Mein in Hong Kong, Big Sam kicks off his boots and puts on his slippers to watch (like the rest of us) with a degree of vicarious pleasure, the unfolding farce of Newcastle searching for a new manager. But it’s all a Big Balls-Up, as per usual.

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There’s no doubt these are testing times for the faithful supporters of our beloved football club. God knows, we’d suffered enough already from the slackjawed banjo playing incompetence of Souness and Roeder, before Allardyce came along with his ‘direct football’, weird substitutions and a bigger obsession with clean sheets than a hospital matron. Once again our football club resembles a wounded animal with the gutter press snapping at its heels like hyenas. We badly need a run of results to lift the pressure on us, but that seems beyond us at the moment with a run of difficult fixtures to come.

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“When the world says, ‘Give up’ Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time’ ” The perfect definition of the mind state of a Newcastle United fan. Day after day, match after match, we ‘hope’ for something better, we ‘hope’ that today will be different, yet ‘hope’ is always different from reality.

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Commenting on our hard-fought draw against Arsenal a few weeks ago, I praised the side of the performance that they produced that night. However, I went on to say that the following four games against Birmingham, Fulham, Derby and Wigan would be the real tests to see if we were really turning things around. Well, those four games have come and gone, and unfortunately we’ve failed the test miserably. (more…)

Sometimes it’s hard adjusting to changes with someone you know and love well. They used to be a good laugh, you’d hang out together all the time and they could always be relied on to cheer you up when times were hard. And then things go downhill. They get religion. Or they go under the thumb and stay in all the time watching reality TV with their new partner. Or maybe they get into a ‘new healthy lifestyle’. Whatever, they’re just no fun anymore. (more…)

Following on from England’s calamitous attempts at qualifying for Euro 2008, my mind has been cast back to the summer of 1982. The World Cup in Spain has and always will have a special place in my heart. It was a pulsating competition which, in the eyes of some, is second only to Mexico in 1970.

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If you only read the papers you’d be forgiven for thinking that Newcastle fans can’t wait to see the back of Big Sam Allardyce. He’s been underperforming and Mike “The Gut” Ashley has already got his eye on possible replacements, with current over-performer and lover of the North East Harry Redknapp the latest apparent target. Points must be taken from our difficult run of three games or the managers position will be untenable, apparently. Of course, the more sensible among us who chat about this stuff over a pint and a pie know that this is complete hokum. We don’t like to see four goals conceded at home, and some might even boo when it happens, but I’ve yet to meet a fan who even privately wants rid, let alone one that’s gone so far as to try starting a chant of “We want fat Sam out” which would surely be met by derision from all around. It is safe in this knowledge that we must still be able to question a few of the new man’s decisions in the hope that he won’t repeat his mistakes; here are (in my opinion) his biggest gaffes….

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Sam Allardyce is a pragmatic man, he has made his career in the game as a sensible centre-back and he has continued his rise to the top by talking endless amounts of sense. He values the common sensical approach to the game as he values his data sheets and his ice-fridge. He has sensibly started building from the back, he talks a good game and he understands the motivational and communicative needs of the players, after all he has proper coaching badges - he even brings a glint to the eye of the FA when the England job is mulled. So as Toon supports we are just beginning to ask ourselves how and why he continues to mis-read the teams needs on the pitch away from home?

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There has been a lot of conjecture of late, particularly in the printed media, about an alleged conflict of interest concerning Michael Owen and whether his priorities lie with his club or his country. Much of this is undoubtedly the press stirring things up in order to sell newspapers. In particular the recent articles in The Sun seem to have gone out of their way to drive a wedge between Owen and Sam Allardyce over the player’s participation in the Euro 2008 qualifiers. And, however lamentable its prose may be at times, it is still the best-selling newspaper in the country and is hugely influential amongst its predominantly male, working class readership.

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This player fancies himself as an international. He’s only with the toon for the money, in fact he’s a mercenary little b******. He rarely plays for us, he’s usually got some injury or other. He has no loyalty to the club, he’s more interested in swanning around with his international mates than playing for us. Since we signed him he’s done nowt for us, absolutely nowt. It cost us millions to sign him, millions to pay him and for what? An injury list as long as your arm, no longer the player he was, in fact he might be finished with his record. The best thing we could do is sell him now, to the highest bidder, and get him off the payroll.

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