We’d had the match on the radio on our trip down there in the van, we’d laughed at the “Stadium of s****” signs all over the place but we had to start getting busy at half-time. In fairness, we’d been utterly gash up until then and I was almost certain we were heading to our first loss in twenty-eight years at their place. That afternoon was not going to be the best I’d ever had.

Numerous ecstatic texts later and we’ve won the game by a landslide, Chopra’s scored with his first touch, Shearer’s banged in what would be his last ever goal in that famous shirt, N’Zogbia’s scored a smashing individual waltz of a goal and even Luque’s got in on the act to really rub salt in their already-relegated wounds. Magic. Made all the sweeter by the floods of red and whites that came into the bar we were playing at, all with sullen faces and angry tones. Not to mention the fact that they were down and we were heading for Europe.

“Worst game of my life” was heard on more than one occasion and I have to admit to grinning profusely every time someone said it, while doing my best to talk to as few people as possible to avoid any accent slips. I have no doubts I was in for a shoeing had anyone caught wind of my allegiance – this place was enemy territory, no doubt about it.

Usually I don’t mind Sunderland, respect to me family’s history dictates that, but on derby day I hate them as much as anyone in the away end of the SOL. Losing is quite simply not an option.

Amazingly, I have only been able to get to one Tyne-Wear derby in my lifetime – although I didn’t exactly pick a bad one to start with. Not having a season ticket until 2002/03 due to my age/lack of money and the fact that the Mackems get relegated all the time I didn’t sample the brilliance of this fixture until 2005. Sitting in the front row of the Gallowgate as Ameobi scored a double and Emre banged in the free-kick of his life is quite possibly the best game I’ve ever seen in the flesh during my time supporting our club.

That free-kick was down at my end and was quite probably the loudest I’ve ever cheered a goal before, what an absolute pearler of a strike from our little Turk. Prior to that Sunderland had scored two wonder-strikes in the same net and Shola Ameobi had somehow contrived to fluff a couple into their goal down at the Leazes to set the game up nicely at half-time, the atmosphere in the ground was like nothing I’d experienced before.

Not many derby games finish 3-2 and not many have three goals as good as we saw in this one, so like I said I think I was quite lucky to have this as my debut in the derby – we bloody won as well!

Like it or not, they’ll stay up. Kenwyne Jones was the sort of striker they were crying out for to partner Chopra up front at the very beginning of the season and they have money to spend again in January. Roy Keane is proving himself to be a quality manager and should have enough about him to steer them to safety. Don’t forget that they’ve been missing Carlos Edwards for most of this campaign so far – quite probably their top man last year in the Championship – and they’ve had other major injures to the likes of Richardson and Whitehead to deal with on top of that.

There are just too many other bad teams for them to go down. Personally I don’t mind Sunderland being in the Premiership with us, as long as we don’t lose to them and as long as they finish below us – I suppose the counter-argument to this would be that we’d rather not even take the risk. A loss is a loss though and it will happen eventually, this current side look the most likely to do the business on us for a good few years.

I can see them splashing some more cash in January and seeing themselves into a final position of between 15th and 17th, which most of their fans should be delighted with as it will really give them something to build on. There’s nothing worse for long-term planning than the constant yo-yoing between the Premiership and Championship. My major concern if they do stay up is that they’ll attract better players and start to catch us up even faster than they have been already due to the Souness/Roeder fiascos.

And so to the real crux of the matter: Saturday 10th November 2007, 12.45pm, Sunderland A(re)F(ucking)C(rap) versus Newcastle United F(ucking)C(lass).

To say I’m worried would be an understatement – and I suppose a lot of you can relate to that. In a way, I hate these derby matches because of the stresses and strains that they bring along with them. It’s so much more than a game of football that it takes over your life leading into it and probably for a good while after the event as well. Being down in Hull I’ll be watching it in a neutral environment, which will be a first, but I’ll be as passionate as always and the shirt is ready and waiting to be donned.

After that abortion of a performance last weekend and our recent horror shows on our travels it’s hard to label us as favourites for this – I haven’t looked at the odds, but I’m assuming that the draw is the fancied outcome. I wouldn’t be too upset at that, not at all. The mumblings of a Smith/Barton central midfield are infuriating, especially if it sees any of N’Zogbia, Milner and Emre dropped to the bench and the fitness of “The Duke” is absolutely paramount. If the Big Aussie doesn’t play, then I don’t think we’ll win. It’s not going to be pretty, whatever the selection.

The object here has to be “don’t lose”, nothing more and nothing less and I’m assuming that’s exactly what Allardyce will be telling his players. Some idiots will tell you that Sunderland are an awful side and that anything less than a tonking is a disgrace to our stripes, but they’re wrong. This is a derby, they’ve sold out for the first time in ages, they’ve got a new manager and a new chairman who’ll be desperate to put us to the sword and for the first time in a good while they’ve got a fair bit of quality to go with their work ethic. We have the better players, but so often that counts for very little in games of this nature. I just want it to be over…

I’ve experienced many derbies in my time, although I’ll hold my hand up and admit to never venturing to an away derby on Wearside (to be honest, there’s no way I go to enough aways to get anywhere near a ticket). My only first hand experience of football on Wearside was during our promotion season of 1992/93, when I accompanied my Tranmere-supporting relatives to the away section at Roker Park and celebrated at half time when the score came through from the Baseball Ground that we were beating Derby, with some Mackems pointing at me. So it’s limited at best.

The majority of the 1980s saw Newcastle and Sunderland in different divisions, so I don’t really recall the few that occurred. The first time I really noticed it was during the 1989/90 with the fateful playoff games. Of course I begged to go, and had been to quite a few games that season, but a derby, midweek. There was no way my Mam was going to let me!

There are some great memories, watching Liam O’Brien’s sweet sweet free kick on Tyne Tees wishing I was among the Newcastle fans going beserk in the Roker End. The return at St James’ as we edged closer and closer to the title. The game wasn’t a classic, a bit of a scrappy 1-0 win, but then the pitch was waterlogged, with players sliding all over the place. I remember Barry Venison sliding into a massive puddle at the side of the pitch beside ‘the corner’. If it had been any other game, it would have been called off for sure, but because it was the derby it went ahead. We were drenched by torrential rain, but we didn’t care, we’d won… years later of course we were on the wrong end of a derby in torrential rain.

After promotion, we were starved of derbies for a few years, so when in 1996/97 they came around again, it was a massive pisser when the ban on away fans was brought in with Newcastle, Sunderland and Northumbria Police all pointing the finger of blame on one or both of the other two. That brought fans from across the divide together in a protest group called ‘Wear United’. It didn’t stop the ban for that season, but thankfully away fans were reinstated from then on. Excluding away fans spoils the occassion and the attention. The St James’ derby that season was one of the flattest games I’ve ever experienced. With no Mackems in attendence it felt dull, there was no one to taunt or react to.

Then there was the home defeat in the rain that I eluded to earlier. Perhaps the most depressing game I have ever been to. It poured down, and we were drenched in the Leazes. We’d been humiliated on home ground and had literally been soaked to the skin. I shivered, sneezed and seethed on my way home that night, composing a furious, vitriolic letter to the club in my head that night as I listened to Joy Division, very loud in the dark. Of course we all know what followed - Shearer and Ferguson kicking down Gullit’s door the next morning, and the Dutchman resigning a few days later with a bizarre press conference.

Things improved gradually - the loss the following season didn’t seem as bad, perhaps because we could see things improving generally under Bobby. It was disappointing to only draw the next time out at St James’, but from then on it’s been back to winning ways, and the derbies during the 2005/06 season were eventful. A great match at St James’ with us taking the lead only for the Mackems to come up with quick replies until eventually we took the points. And the Easter Monday game was glorious. A goal down at half time after a miserable first half. The Mackems taunting our lot with premature celebrations, only for an onslaught in the second half. I was forced to listen to the game on the radio. Getting the equaliser was good. Going 2-1 up Fantastic! That will do. But the third was sweet and I was laughing at the fourth. The victories feel so sweet, but the defeats throw you into dispair.

And so to the forthcoming encounter -as tense as ever: Unfortunately Sunderland are not the pathetic side that they were during their previous two Premier League seasons. OK, they’re struggling a little bit, but Roy Keane has injected some fight and passion into them, and whatever happens they will put up a stern fight. They’ll find it a hard slog this year, and I think they’ll be involved in a bit of a relegation battle. But for what it’s worth, I can see them having enough to stay up - obviously, I hope I’m wrong though!

And then there’s us, coming off the back of a pathetic performance last weekend. And of course our away form so far this year is not exactly brilliant. I’m worried that we could slip up again, but then to be fair, I’m always nervous when these games come around, regardless of how we’re doing.

The midfield will be a warzone and we need to match them in the middle of the park. Barton and Geremi need to get hold of the ball and use it efficiently. I fancy N’Zogbia and Milner to switch back to their own wings and for N’Zogbia to get a bit of joy from Collins. Faye needs to play well to stifle their dangerman Jones. He’s surprised me with the amount of hassle he’s caused so far and looks a genuine threat in the air. We need to stop the supply from the wings and Beye and Enrique need to clamp their opponents. Stop the supply, stop him. Other than Jones we only have the prospect of facing Cole and/or Chopra. We all know about the threat of former players scoring against their old clubs and they’ll need to be watched carefully. I’d probably play Rozenhal as I think Taylor, who is rash in normal games, might just get carried away with his eagerness.