Lee Mason is in charge of tomorrow night’s Carling Cup 4th Round tie between Watford and Newcastle at Vicarage Road. The 35 year old Lancastrian is in his 1st season on the Select Group, and has refereed a handful of Premier League games to date, one of which was Watford’s goalless draw with Charlton at The Valley on October 21.

Ratty and McMole were walking by the riverbank. A little black and white boat drifted past with a great big fat toad on board.

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FS: “Glenn, sit down son. I won’t beat about the bush here the results aren’t good enough. What the hell’s going on?”

GR: “Well Mr Chairman, I can sit here and make excuses but at the end of the day we just weren’t good enough. I’m the manager and it’s my responsibility. We’ll have to work harder and we’ll have to fight our way out of trouble.”

FS: “Well I’m glad to hear you’re not making excuses. So we’re agreed you’re entirely to blame?”

GR: “Well I’ve got broad shoulders Mr Chairman. I can take the heat. I won’t duck responsibility. It’s my fault. Of course it doesn’t help we played so soon after the Palermo match, why was that?”

*Chairman shifts uncomfortably in seat*

FS: “We’ve all got problems to deal with Glenn. As you said, you’re to blame, not me. As long as you sort it out.”

GR: “Plus the paper thin squad, like I told you in the summer. We’ve got a terrible injury list and we don’t have the players we need….”

*Chairman shifts buttocks again & scratches testicles*

FS: “Like I said before, Glenn money’s tight…”

GR: “And we’re short at the front and back. Like I said before. I mean if Carrsy was a horse you’d shoot him. Baba’s got sleeping sickness or something and…”

FS: “No excuses Glenn. Geordies don’t make excuses. Geordies roll up their sleeves and start fighting. When the ship is sinking, Geordies start bailing. Excuse me, that’s my phone…”

*Chairman picks up phone*

FS: “Hi Willie. Aye not right now, I’ve got the current manager in. Yes I am interested, you know we need people in. Well how much does he want? Aye not bad. Who else you got? All right, I’ll think about it, bye.”

GR: “As I was saying, we need more players in January Mr Chairman.”

FS: “Don’t you worry son, we’ll back you like we’ve always backed our managers. If there’s one thing you can say about Freddy Shepherd he always backs his managers. With plenty of cash. Give me a list and I’ll think about it.”

GR: “OK, well we need 2 strikers, 2 full backs…”

*Blank look comes over Freddy’s face*

FS: “If I can stop you there son, I’ll see what I can do. But don’t worry, you’ve got our full support, let’s all pull together and get it sorted. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get on, thanks now, shut the door on your way out.”

*Mutters to self*

“Aye, whey, what you ganna do now Freddy lad, we’re in the clarts.”

*Turns to computer and continues playing Solitaire. Secretary rings on phone*

Sec: “Mr Shepherd, I have Sky Sports on the phone. They want to know what your thoughts are on the calls for your resignation and what you’re going to do about it?”

FS: “Tell them I’ll call them back”.

*Loads up Word. Starts typing*

“Dear Glenn, it is with the greatest regret that I have to inform you….”

Stolen from the forum. Well it made us giggle anyway…

embattled United Chairman Freddy Shepherd insists he’s the man to turn things around at Newcastle as he goes on the defensive following weekend protests aimed at his direction.

Shepherd said:

“Right now it would seem I am the only one prepared to do this job and it is one I will continue to do to the very best of my ability and with the best interests of the club at heart.

“There is no doubt we are in a situation which needs sorting out and sorting out quickly.

“None of us can be happy at the position Newcastle United find themselves in right now and it is up to everyone involved to get us out of it.

“We have to do better and that means everyone pulling together for the good of the club to work through what are undeniably tough times.

“I think it is time the players are reminded just who they are playing for.”

According to Alan Hansen that is, who thinks we need to accept reality and change our attitudes. The MOTD pundit thinks fans would rather win 4-3 than win trophies…

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