Saturday’s goalless draw with the Smogmonsters saw Newcastle muster their first Premiership clean sheet in a ridiculously long stretch. What perhaps should have been a break from these articles, however, has instead become the mammoth of all catch-up articles - owing to the correction of long-standing technical difficulties behind our wafer-thin scenes, here at N-O. Alas, everyone can, once more, find out… how to score past Newcastle.

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