Archie's Alternative Assessment: Birmingham 0-0 NUFC
By Archie Brand 01 May 2006
That was a memorable performance. Memorable because it brought back memories of the team that cost Graeme Souness his job. All of those who read my previous reports and had me down as a miserable bastard for not getting too excited, now you know why.
Last week I went to great pains to remind you all that the results we got against the bottom 2 teams were only to be expected. After all - they were the bottom 2 teams. However it would appear that the third bottom team is is a different case altogether.
I suppose we should be happy - a draw is a point, and it's not a loss. Makes sense to me. Lets get on with it. If you play for Newcastle, and you're reading this, chances are you're not going to be too impressed. But hell, I wasn't impressed with what you did today, so I reckon that makes us even.
Given - 7
A couple of solid saves gave us the point. Duty Hero yet again. Are we paying this man enough?
Carr - 6
Getting better with more games under his belt. We do actually have the makings of a good defence. That's a bit like calling a 10,000 piece jigsaw the makings of a work of art.
Moore - 6
Not as good as recent weeks, but still instills confidence. It's nice to see that he intends to stay with us for another year.
Bramble - 5
My dog is called Titus. Little Titus is the most frustrating mutt I've ever had. 99% of the time he does everything right and you take to him. But you know that if you leave him alone for too long you're likely to come back and find that your coffee table has only has 3 legs, or that the Persian rug in the hallway has a little more brown about it than when you went out.
Big Titus and Little Titus are very similar in so much as you know that you're going to have to clean up after them sooner or later. The frustrating thing about Big T is that he obviously has talent. Trouble is that often opts not to use it. Caught napping by the Forsell run on the right. Where's the carpet shampoo? On the upside - some solid crunching tackles and some good long balls.
Babayarro - 5
Nowt special but has become more consistent.
Solano - 6
Welcome back Paddington.
Faye - 5
Was obviously thrown by my praise last week, and went out of his way to prove me wrong this week. Just didn't contribute.
N'Zogbia - 6
Pretty average for young Charlie. He didn't take them on the way we know he can, a bit like last week. Still a youngster. Just hope Wenger doesn't steal him and take him to the Moulin Rouge.
Pattison - 6
No better or no worse than most of the team. Was unlucky to be substituted. I thought there were a couple of more deserving candidates. Another one we need to make an effort to keep. Lets not forget that it took Zoggy a good few games to find his groove.
Ameobi - 5
While Boro's stunning comebacks in the last 2 European rounds would almost have you believing that lightning strikes twice, Shola's performance does little to suggest that lightning even exists.
Chopra - 6
Put in a good overall performance. Seems to have modelled himself on Alan Shearer. Backing into defenders these days won't get you much but the way he runs across defences will draw quite a few fouls in and around the area.
It was good to see Owen back again. For the money he earns compared to the time he's on screen, maybe we should be calling him Brando?
In good old fashioned plain language "we were crap" and actually came off better than we deserved thanks to Given. We have to do more than this to get European football next year.
Was it my imagination or did Scolari take a phone call from Fat Fred just before he turned down the England job?
Archie Brand
Bahrain |
