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Newcastle's Next Manager?
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 Sunday
54th February 2006
By Archie
Brand
Here we are again. Half way through another season, the results aren't
going as well as we'd hoped, and we're out shopping for another manager.
Of course, being Newcastle United we screwed up the timing again and
just missed out on the January Sales.
I heard there were some good bargains to be had this year at the Metro
Centre. I'm no expert but I would imagine that it's not easy to attract
quality managers when you're languishing just above the relegation
zone, with a front line that seems to work best with it's back to
goal, and a defence that leaks worse than a space shuttle booster
rocket.
How would we actually go about attracting a world class manager under
those circumstances? Before we actually figure that one out we need
to first be able to define what a world class manager is. Presumably
we want someone who has a bit of experience playing the game at a
decent level. OK let's take a look at the last few years;
Bobby Robson - Fulham and West Brom, and 20 caps for England.
Kenny Dalglish - Celtic and Liverpool with 102 caps for Scotland.
Kevin Keegan - Liverpool, Hamburg, Southampton, Newcastle - 63 caps
for England.
Ruud Gullit - Feyenoord, PSV Eindhoven, Sampdoria, AC Milan, Chelsea
- 66 caps for Holland.
Graeme Souness - Spurs, Middlesbrough, Liverpool, Sampdoria, Rangers
- 54 Scottish caps.
So from that point of view our last 5 managers seemed to be fairly
well qualified. What else do we need? How about someone who has managed
at a decent level?
Bobby Robson - Fulham, Ipswich, England, PSV Eindhoven, Sporting Lisbon,
FC Porto, Barcelona.
Kenny Dalglish - Liverpool, Blackburn.
Kevin Keegan - Before Newcastle? Nothing.
Ruud Gullit - Chelsea.
Graeme Souness - Rangers, Liverpool, Galatasaray, Southampton, Torino
Calcio, SL Benfica, Blackburn.
Anything else? Well yes, winning trophies as a manager would be nice,
as that's what it's all about really. OK Here we go.
Bobby Robson - 1 FA CUP, 1 UEFA CUP, 1 European Cup Winners Cup, 1
Spanish Cup, 2 Portuguese League Championships, 1 Portuguese Cup Winners
Cup, 2 Dutch League Championships.
Kenny Dalglish - 4 League Championships, 2 FA Cups, Scottish League
Cup.
Kevin Keegan - Nothing.
Ruud Gullit - 1 FA Cup.
Graeme Souness - 4 SPL Titles, 4 Scottish League Cups, 1 FA Cup, 1
Turkish Cup.
Do we have enough data here to make any kind of analysis at all? Sir
Bobby was the most qualified, having managed all over Europe and being
in possession of a personal trophy cabinet bigger than the one at
St. James's. He saved us from relegation in his first season then
consistently produced results when in charge.
The next individual most qualified to bring silverware to the Toon
would appear to be Graeme Souness. Managed all over Europe, won trophies
in 3 different countries. Ah, maybe I'm being a bit unfair to the
others by including Scottish Titles on a one-for-one basis.
OK - So Kenny Dalglish should be next... hang on, he was just as bad
as Souness. So we move further down the list. Ruud Gullit, having
only managed one other team, and won one trophy with them he wasn't
here 5 minutes. I think we managed to get him in and out of the Toon
on one of those Away Day Return tickets.
There's only one person left on the list, King Kev. No experience
and no trophies. What the hell were they thinking when they gave him
the job? But he did come through. He molded a team that played the
brilliantly entertaining football that the fans craved, and he gave
us hope that NUFC could once again be great. Not too far off Sir Bobby's
achievements.
So take note - this is what we've learnt. A manager with no experience
whatsoever achieved as much as one of the most respected managers
in the world. As far as the Toon is concerned managers who achieve
big things in Scotland... should maybe just be left there. (Martin
O'Neill?)
I think it's fair to say that the only thing you can be sure of is
that it's not possible to pick a sure fire winner when it comes to
managers. It's pot luck. You can try to cover all the bases but you
can't guarantee success.
I think we need 3 things.
1 A manager who can give us back the Newcastle United that were a
pleasure to watch. Do we all agree that we want to be entertained
first, and trophies second?
2 A manager that the crowd can get behind. Souness never had that.
3 We need the board to stop screwing with our team like it's their
own little plaything. Let the manager decide who comes and who goes.
You wouldn't stop a chef from buying his own ingredients, would you?
Those 3 things would make a huge difference to our club. Oh, did I
mention that we should avoid another Scottish Manager at all costs?
Somewhere along the line the statement was made that Fred thinks our
next manager should be a Geordie. I think it's now pretty obvious
that to be competitive in the Premiership you need to have a good
mix of players in the pot. It would be ludicrous to suggest that you
could put up a team of only English players and stand a chance of
success.
While a Geordie only team would no doubt be a pleasure to watch, I
doubt that it would fare well in the Premiership. Using the same logic,
isn't it a tad moronic to even suggest applying such restrictive criteria
to the selection process for the man you want to take your team to
the top?
We had Sir Bobby. We're not going to find another one in a hurry.
Take the best we can get boys and girls, regardless of his accent.
Let's take this opportunity to remind Fred and his fellow board members
that Souness had just over a season and was binned because he didn't
produce the goods.
Shouldn't the same rules apply upstairs too, no matter how rich you
are? Put your Chairmanship where your mouth is Fred. With the next
appointment include a clause that you'll walk away if you don't get
this one right.
Personally, I'd love to see Keegan back again, this time with no interference,
but I could just about go for Big Sam. Why would Sam leave Bolton
to go to Newcastle though? It would have to be money. More realistically
I think we'll end up with the likes of either David O'Leary or Stuart
Pearce.
As for foreigners, it seems that when they turn up they always want
to bring a busload of players from their own country with them, and
where's the cash coming from for that? We can't afford to buy any
more players. Hell, we're so hard up we couldn't even afford to sell
the last manager.
Does anyone else think we have a dodgy system in place when the club
has to fork out a reported 3 million to get rid of a manager who is
taking us down quicker than Ronaldo in a stiff breeze? What ever happened
to "You're not doing the job you were hired to do! You're crap! You're
sacked! Get out! Here's a months salary!"
Oh well. What with the added FA rule that Roeder and Shearer can only
take charge for 12 or 13 weeks because they don't have the right qualifications,
I'm sure that one way or another it's going to be an entertaining
wee while at the Toon.
I'd better sign off now - I have to take my dog Titus out for a leak.
I took him out earlier but when he lifted his leg up to take a piss,
another dog walked up behind him and stole it from him. Waiting with
baited breath for the next exciting episode.
Archie Brand Bahrain.
© Archie Brand
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