Anagrams Never Lie
|
 Friday
6 January 2006
By Archie
Brand
From a football point of view I've decided to lay off the net for
a few days. There's just no point in checking out Toon stories at
the moment unless you want to know about our injury problems, or unless
you want to read an eyewitness account about Souness being spotted
signing on. So it was a quiet night with nowt on the box, and what
with me feeling just a tad under the weather, I sat down and thought
about names. Sad I know, but read on.
There is a theory that anagrams never lie. Take a name or phrase and
reorganise the letters, and you'll generally find that anagram can
be extremely revealing, or accurate, or even just damn funny. This
is what I do with my spare time, so at least pity me!
Below left are a list names, and on the right anagrams of them. Of
course, the anagrams in no way reflect the views of the author - much.
Graeme Souness - Emre Uses No Gas
Sack Graeme Souness - See - Manager Sucks So!
Laurent Robert - Errant Trouble
Jean Alain Boumsong - A Semi-annual Nob Jog
Titus Bramble - A Bumblers Tit
Titus Malachi Bramble - Masturbate Lamb Chili - Traumatic Lab Blemish
Shola Ameobi - Is A Lame Hobo - A Beamish Loo
Steven Taylor - Tyne Love Star
Stephen Carr - He Terns Crap - Then Scarper
Michael Chopra - Mach I Craphole
Charles N'Zogbia - A Bachelor Zings - Grab a Zinc Hole - Blazing Roaches
Scott Parker - Star Trek Cop - Rock Spatter - Rocket Parts
Emre Belozoglu - Reel Zoom Bugle
Michael Owen - Oh, New Malice - He Came In Low - Ciao, New Helm (One
For Souness?)
Steven Harper - The Pre-saver
Kieron Courtney Dyer - Rickety Under Rooney
Lee David Bowyer - I Evade Dyer Blow
Amady Moustapha Faye - Ha, Famous Team - Payday! - Apathy Made Ya
Famous
Celestine Babayaro - Easily Beat Bra Cone
There comes a time when you just need a rest from all the baseless
crap that you read out there. By the time you read this Luque will
have been traded for half of Real Madrid, Bowyer for half of Charlton
and Robert for Half a Crown.
Owen will have had his toe pinned to Parkers knee, and Carr's Hernia
will be half way up his back. Shearer will have had half the government
sacked and will have a leg amputated before agreeing to come back
and play next season, at which point we'll find out that he's actually
41.
That famous double act, Sam Allardyce - O'Neil - Keegan - O'Leary
will be firmly ensconced in the St James Park Managers Office and
30 million quid will appear out of nowhere so we can go out and pay
way over the odds for another busload of injury prone players who
can't get regular first team action with their own clubs, and can't
believe their luck when Freddy raps on their door with an unbelievable
contract that requires that they do no more than occupy a comfortable
bed in the SJP treatment room for 3 months.
If it turns out that these ones are actually fit, just give us a couple
of months and we'll train the fitness right out of them. Around this
time poor old amicable "I never fell out with anybody" Souness will
be heading to Mackemsville, and hopefully taking the "Bumble B's"
- Boumsong, Babayaro and Bramble - with him. On his way out he'll
hear for the first time what 52,000 Geordies actually sound like when
they agree with each other.
Archie, tuning out for a few days off.
© Archie Brand
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