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 Wednesday
14 December 2005 By Archie Brand Cars have changed over the years. I always found it almost comical the way we used to refer to British made cars as having "character". For those who don't know, "character" is what a British made cars had before we figured out how to make them properly. When Japanese cars hit the market in the 60's they didn't have any character. This was because they were more reliable, and everything worked. Since then they've just been taken forward on a wave of improving technology. We managed to get away from the starting handle with that new fangled gadget - the electric starter motor. I'll never forget being impressed by my first experience of a 5-speed gearbox. No, I'm being serious here! OK , shame it was in a Maxi, but I digress. We've moved from Radios, to 8-track, to cassettes, to CDs and on to MP3 players and the like as in-car entertainment. Electric windows, mirrors, central locking, remote locking, remote starting. My latest car has electronics that stop the wheels spinning when I hit the throttle, and then stop them locking when I hit the brakes. It even has a reversing sensor that plays a tune when you get too close certain objects. I say "certain" objects because the wife swears blind that it doesn't work with next doors garden wall. Now - we can't deny that technology is advancing at a rate of knots that would even make young Stevie Taylor have to think twice about his next move. Lets compare the technological advances we've seen implemented in the "beautiful game". Corner flags have that little springy thing at the bottom these days, so that they don't come out and have to be put back in by an already overworked linesman, oops sorry - "referees assistant"! (From this point on, in an effort to save column inches, I'll abbreviate Referee's Assistant to Ref's Ass.) The net looks much better these days. A lot more taut than it used to be. Players shirts have come on quite a bit too. Nice "airtex" vents in them. They've been toughened up quite a bit too, to cope with the rigours of the game. Personally I don't see why they don't just make shirts with handles on them, and get on with it. The biggest change is probably the ball. I learned to play with a big orange rubber thing - yes I'm still talking football here - with black lines engraved into it. When I made the big boys team I got to play with the leather one with what seemed like a lead lace. By half time on a wet pitch those things could come through the air at you with the aerodynamics and impact characteristics of a 14 pound sledgehammer. That was what "real" football was all about. If you were unlucky enough to burst the decent ball, you could usually continue for 10 minutes with your little brothers football. That was the one that was so light that a penalty kick with a head wind was a non-starter. Today the ball has undergone so many changes that I'm often reminded of the "little brother ball" as these superstars shape their shots around walls, over 'keepers and under the bar. It would be so much more impressive if they could do it with the old ball with the lace. A miskick with one of those beasts could break an ankle. Boots have come on a bit aswell. Gold boots should be a red card offence. As I want to be fairly thorough here I feel we should also not forget the pea in the referees whistle. I understand millions of pounds worth of R & D have gone into development of a non-stick, self cleaning, composite pea, to ensure that the ref can get his message across in even the most difficult conditions. What is technological development that has improved the game most for the fans? Well I have one of those DVD recorders with a hard disk, so I can record the match in Hi-Def resolution off the Satellite, come in half way through, start watching from the beginning and continue recording. Then I can edit all the bad bits out (no comment) and save it forever on a DVDR disk. When I say "forever" I understand that the word has been redefined in technological terms to mean "until the next non-compatible recording technology becomes available". I'm not kidding when I say that this is the best technological breakthough, because I've seen very little sign of technology benefitting you poor punters who pay your money at the turnstyles each week by making the game any more bearable for you. All of this technology around, but nothing to help the referees? Disgraceful I say. How many Newcastle Fans who watched the Wigan game would object to technology being used to decide if a ball has crossed a goal line? Whether it's TV replays, a chip in the ball, or cameras in the posts - a goal legally scored should be a goal given. A colleague once said of cricket - "how can you take a game seriously where they stop playing to have sandwiches?". At least cricket seems to take itself seriously - the third umpire has rid us of dodgy run out and catch decisions, and even added an extra little something to the game in the way of suspense. But at least the decisions are correct. All they need to do now is get rid of "Hawkeye", that damned awful device that tells us if the ball that hit the batsmans pads was going to hit the stumps. This monstrosity has the accuracy of my wife's parking, and it's sole function appears to be to prove the umpire wrong. Correcting a dodgy decision through video technology might even save some poor punter from being run to ground on the way home from the match by a pack of disgruntled so-called "fans". The solution for most of the other problems that need to be addressed is already available at the top level of the sport. Video replay. TV companies are pumping so much money into covering every possible angle of the game, it appears that only stubbornness is preventing us from utilising it to our best advantage. At the end of July I watched live coverage of Manchester United's whirlwind tour of Japan. One match in particular was a veritable corker. The Japanese opposition were mixing it with Man U's finest and coming out on top. It was getting a bit on the physical side, but both teams were there to win in this so called "friendly". The ball was pushed over the top of the home side's defence and off went Ruud "the Duud" van Nistelroy. 10 yards into his run this Japanese "nobody" unceremoniously stopped him in his tracks with the kind of tackle that even Roy Keane would disown. With no freekick forthcoming the goalkeeper punted the ball deep into the Man U half. Along with the ball went the officials and fans' attention. What didn't go with it was Ruud the Duud. He casually strolled up behind the offending defender (or was it the defending offender?) who was walking away from him, and kneed him in the hamstring. Splat! Down he went like a sack of sushi. It would appear, however, that the Japanese TV network had enough cameras at the game to put one on each of the visiting so-called "superstars". Not only should Van Nistelroy have been removed from the game, but he should have been given a ban that extended into the Premiership season. Another point here. Bans should not run concurrently with injuries, and if a player has an operation while under suspension, the ban should be stopped and restarted from the next game that the player is included in the squad. Real-time collaboration between the officials and the TV companies can capture incidents like this, that would otherwise be missed by the officials, and as a result disciplinary action can be taken at the correct time. Take the incident where Steven Carr was kind enough to allow Scott Parker to borrow his yellow card. That particular cock-up raises a couple of questions. Did Scotty tone down his game from then onwards as a result, trying to avoid a second yellow? When they finally transferred the card to Carr after the match, was it fair to convert his 2 yellows to a red? If he'd known he was already on a yellow, then wouldn't he too have toned his game down to avoid a second one? It could all have been avoided with a ten second replay in the video booth that could have taken place while the referee was licking the tip of his pencil. We're already half way there. How did Carr finally get his just desserts? Review of video evidence. The Dubious Goals Committee were quick enough to check the video evidence and half Shola's tally from 2 to 1 after the Sunderland game. Doesn't it seem a little half-arsed, to say the least, that the powers that be are prepared to watch the video of the match in the comfort of their offices, when its all done and dusted, and say "this was wrong" and "that was wrong", when they could be watching it during the game and applying the same decisions real-time for the benefit of all concerned? Doesn't it also seem a little bizarre that the only person who doesn't get the benefit of a freeze frame action replay from 6 different angles is the poor sucker with the whistle in his hand? Give these poor guys a fighting chance, particularly with penalty calls and cards. Officials are now experimenting with wireless communications on the pitch. Good. A step forward. But who are they communicating with? Each other? Whats the point of that? They already have a means of communication. It appears that waving a 2 foot square piece of Battenberg cake on a stick sometimes isn't enough to get the refs attention. Seems to me like they lost the plot a bit on that one. They should be communicating with the (5th?) official in the video editing suite who has the facility to replay and freeze the action, then bring it back for any offence that was missed by the officials. There would be no more delay involved than the ref taking play back following a failed "advantage" opportunity. Then they could have a real reason to run around with those natty little earpieces. It's pretty obvious that all these technolocigal improvements will not be available at the grass roots level of the game. Some will argue the point that for these things to be introduced they should be available at all levels. If you've played football, you may have played, as I did, in a cup game where the Refs Ass's are opposing teams substitutes, a practise probably frowned upon in the Premiership, but there again they get fully qualified officials, and we didn't. There were times when we didn't get officials full stop, and somebody was either whipped out the crowd to officiate, or on one occasion we had to flag down 3 passing cars before we found one guy who could referee. A 4th official? There wasn't enough passing traffic. We can't imprison the game in the 60s simply because improvements cannot be applied globally. We have to progress and improve. Don't get me wrong. I'd hate to see the game degenerate into the circus show that American Football has become, where a game would last a day, commercials would determine when a free kick could be taken, and a player would be considered to have stamina if he could run half the length of the pitch without stopping for oxygen. We're already heading in that direction with 3 substitutes, and a dozen footballs around the ground ready to be thrown in as soon as a ball is out of play. In 10 years time we could end up with rules allowing us to replace players during certain phases of the game, and bring them back on later. We are already ruining the game with "fashionable" rules. Rules that are concentrated on for a season and then discarded for another fashionable rule. Remember when the ref would have to carry 2 books so that he would have enough space to write down all those names he'd taken of players who had kicked the ball away? Not fashionable now. When was the last time you saw a ref move a free kick 10 yards further forward? Not fashionable now. But it happened every game 3 years ago. The players are still committing the offences. But acting on them is no longer fashionable. What is fashionable now? Yellow cards for tackles from behind and raised arms and elbows. Seems to me that since they clamped down on arms being raised we're seeing a lot more head injuries in the game. I may have wandered off the subject of technology slightly, but while I'm out here I'll finish with a couple of paragraphs on my favourite footballing gripe, and I hope that if you consider my suggestion on its merits we can start a movement to have this relic of the rulebook removed from the game. Consider the following points. Both teams start the game with the same number of players. 11. That gives each team a goalkeeper and 10 men who, depending on their tactics of the day, can either run around the field willy nilly, or can implement some kind of marking scheme to keep an eye on the other teams outfield players. Various bodies in the past have constantly bemoaned the lack of goals in modern matches. The most difficult decision for a Ref's Ass to get right is the offside decision, because to get it right everytime he has to be able to look in 2 different directions at the same time. He has to be able to positively identify the exact split second that the ball is passed by player 1, while at the same time comparing the position of player 2 to the oppositions defenders. Players 1 and 2 could theoretically be anything up to 90 yards apart. How many decisions do you see replayed where the player was on-side at the time the ball was kicked, but was off-side, say a quarter of a second later, and the offside decision was given? Quarter of a second? The time it takes the Ref's Ass to turn his head and locate the attacking player. The Ref's Ass, through no fault of his own, hasn't got a chance of getting it right everytime. Offside used to be offside. Then it was offside and interfering with play. Now it's offside and active. What is the difference between "active" and "inactive"? A yard? A foot? An inch? Open to interpretation? More than a little. I'm not sure but I think the offside rule was introduced as an alternative to powdered egg following the Second World War. I hereby propose that we start a movement to rid the game of that relic that is known as the offside rule. If a player wants to stand on the opposition's goal line, then the opposition always have the option to either mark him, or not mark him. Result? More goals? Maybe. Fewer dodgy decisions? Definitely. So isn't it time that your game got ABS, cruise control and remote central locking? From my own point of view , there are a couple of teams out there could do with reversing sensors, but that's a rant for another day. Archie Brand Bahrain, 30 Degrees C, No snow. © Archie Brand
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