10th February 2005
By
Jody Jamieson
"Why do they hate us so much? Bloody bitter Scots."
Popular thing about England fans. Can't understand why the Scots hate
the English so much. These same England fans probably have the exact
xenophobic hatred of their local rivals at club level, yet can't understand
why it's the same for us at national level. Strange really, considering
Scotland have been rivals for centuries longer than Liverpool and
Everton, or Aston Villa and Birmingham, or Bristol City and Bristol
Rovers, or any other derby you care to mention in British football.
Some say it's because the Scots are bitter. Perhaps they're right.
Some say it's an inferiority complex. They're most definitely right.
But the main reason is local rivalry. Most English football fans if
they told the truth would honestly say that when Scotland get humiliated
it's almost as good, if not better, than and England win.
How many of you didn't raise a smile when we got trounced in Holland
trying to get to Euro 2004? How many of you in turn were pleased for
us when we had won the first leg 1-0? I'd honestly say the answer
consists mainly of 2 kinds of people. Those who hate Scotland, and
those who don't care about Scotland. You'd be surprised at how many
Scotland fans will want England to do well at major championships.
You'll also be surprised at where my allegiances lay in the summer
of 2004.
Sure, I put my hand on my heart for a laugh while the Swiss anthem
played, and sure I did kind of chuckle when Zidane curled a free-kick
over the English wall and sparked 60 seconds of absolute chaos and
combustion from the England side, but everyone who was with me knew
I wanted England to do well. There was a small part of me reminding
myself that if England did win Euro 2004 then it would be rammed down
my throat every day for the rest of eternity. Shoved down my throat
so far to the extent that I could pull it out of my arse, but nonetheless
I was pleased when Lampard gave England the lead against the French
and equally disappointed when Ricardo smashed the penalty home to
end England's dream, but the question is why did this humble, patriotic
Scotsman want to see England lift the trophy?
When you live in Scotland you are slightly blinkered. Much like the
fact that the English media try to blinker your supporters into believing
that England deserve to win trophies regularly and if they don't then
it's obviously the referee's fault or some equally blameless souls
fault (nothing to do with inferior ability. Talk of that is preposterous)
the Scottish media will have you believe that England football fans
are the smuggest fans on the face of the planet. The divine righters.
That those horrible losers are actually even worse when they win.
You can sort of see their point in one way. "Welcome to South Korea
vs Belguim. South Korea play in red. The same colour England wore
when they won the world cup!" Even 38 years on it's difficult to watch
an international match involving or affecting England in anyway before
1966 is mentioned, and the links are getting more tedious. But while
there are those England fans who will tarnish the 3 Lions by going
out and causing mayhem in the name of football, I learned from living
in Newcastle during Euro 2004 that England fans aren't all that bad.
Sure, the flag stuck onto the car windows were cheesy. The bloody
songs are getting cheesier aswell. As if the Sven Sven Sven song wasn't
bad enough before Japan and Korea, then Come on Eileen cover took
the piss!! However that was all irrelevant as when I spoke to most
England fans, for once it didn't seem like they felt they just needed
to turn up to win the tournament. It was a novelty, but a novelty
I was enjoying. Perhaps it was always like this.
On the morning of the France game I still didn't have a clue who I
wanted to win. Could I really support England? David Beckham, Gary
Neville, Steven Gerrard and Michael Owen to name 4 are footballers
I have a massive amount of respect for (although Beckham has spent
the past 12 months trying to tarnish his reputation in the most spectacular
and ridiculous ways possible) and players I certainly wouldn't grudge
success for. The fans were the main stumbling block though. Smugness
is terrible, but there was a distinct lack of it this summer.
Come 15 minutes till the kick off I still hadn't decided. I'd spent
the majority of the day with my mate Dave (a smugger man you'll never
meet) and his mate Alan, who liked the fact I said Dave looked like
Beaker from the muppets. Good laugh we had that day. I would them
up about how shit England were, they reminded me I had the misfortune
of supporting Scotland, then we all wanted to take our own lives during
the Croatia vs Switzerland game. Only a display of laughable incompetence
from the Swiss goalie gave us something to smile about and stopped
up jumping out of Wetherspoons window.
So it was onto the Telegraph to watch England vs France. Quite a few
England fans in there but not enough to give off an annoying aura
of smugness. Quite the opposite infact. Most of the people around
me knew I was Scottish but accepted I came in peace and wasn't going
to whoop with delight if it all came to pieces for England. By the
time England were 1-0 up I was pleased without being overjoyed. "Good
luck to them" I though, and even I felt sorry for them when a minute
of football straight out of the circus cost England a famous victory.
Despite my giggles, I felt sorry for them and hoped they'd get it
right against Switzerland. Which they duly did.
There was one thing that was making me struggle to support England
though. There will always be something about Wayne Rooney that gets
on my nerves. Fantastic footballer with the attitude and behaviour
of a 12 year old buy who's just binned the ritallin. There are people
I know in jail who command more respect than Wayne Rooney. The odious
little Scouse shit is a great footballer who will be a superstar if
he calms down. I do worry that he'll end up like Gazza though is some
way, which would be a great shame for England, even if it is a self
inflicted shame. The odious little Scouse shit was however having
the game of his life against Croatia. A game in which I bribed myself
to support England by sticking a tenner on them at the bookies. I
wanted to strangle the bastards when they went 1-0 down after 4 minutes,
but nonetheless they got through it, and I doubled my money (evens
was a good price) and it was onto the quarter finals.
It was then I realised that supporting England wasn't such a bad thing.
Laughing at them snatching defeat from the jaws of victory is always
fun, but being positive about the home nations makes me feel a lot
better. Watching a match wanting a team to win rather than wanting
the other team to lose (if you get my drift) is certainly better for
cleansing the old soul. So it was Portugal in the quarter finals,
and while I was aware I was 3 England victories away from the worst
gloating in the history of the world, I was strangely comfortable
with it.
We hit the town for the Portugal game midway through the first half.
Stuck in work watching the start on an overhead projector I was pleased
to see Owen give England the league, although most England fans in
the office still felt the need to shove that goal down my throat,
despite my obvious happiness at the goal. Some people will never learn
and those were the people I enjoyed seeing the next day. Not because
I was gunning for them but those are the type of supporters who deserve
to see their team go out on penalties as regularly as England do.
I was more interested in hoping the genuine England fans were going
to see their side win.
England were hopeless though. They allowed 30 shots on their own goal
in the 90 minutes, and the only surprise was that it took so long
for Portugal to score. In all honesty I think the goal had to be disallowed
near the end, and I'll come back to that. Portugal went deservedly
2-1 up and for the first time since Beckham scored against Greece
in 2001 England showed some incredible resiliency to get the equaliser,
and took the game to penalties. During the break between full time
and penalties I tried to lighten the mood by reminding the England
fans that Kevin Kyle was better than Rooney.
All of the England fans I spoke to that night were very respectful
towards me (apart from one scraggy bint who took the huff with her
fella when he laughed when I took the piss out of her) and respected
that fact that I wasn't there to wind them up, Kevin Kyle comments
aside. England went out in familiar circumstances and while I wasn't
happy, I knew I could breathe easier and my July wouldn't be a month
of constant bragging and general suffering.
I look at the current England team and see that there's a wealth of
potential there waiting to be reached. People have negative things
to say about the side, but it's a team capable of doing big things
over the next few years. The main problem if you ask me is Sven. He's
tactically naive and not willing to properly experiment. He'll quite
happily make 10 substitutions in a friendly, but is he willing to
tamper with the system? I can only remember a flat 4-4-2 and the 4-4-2
diamond in his time, which shows the problem he has. He decided to
put Scholes on the left against France, who came central and completely
ruined their shape. But he persevered with Scholes there and it never
really worked.
He has his favourites too. The two biggest names on the pitch in the
quarter final were Beckham and Figo. Both were absolutely terrible.
So what did both coaches do? Big Phil took a risk and subbed Figo
and brought on Postiga who'd been doing a big pile of nothing at club
level but he was rewarded for his change as Postiga took the tie to
extra time. Sven on the other hand let Beckham trundle on and do nothing
for 120 minutes, and then he Jonny Wilkinson-ed it in the shoot-out
to complete a miserable tournament. That's the difference between
a good manager and a great manager. A great manager knows that no
player is indispensable and will hook a player if he's showing no
signs of making an impact, no matter who he is. A good manager will
leave said player on and just cross his fingers.
Sven has the players, but England haven't been playing well recently.
I look at the different players and it's almost as if Sven doesn't
know what to do. There's too many good players, and yet Sven still
can't do the business with them. It's obvious that Beckham isn't playing
well wide, and has done fantastically well in the centre for Madrid,
so why not move him? If Rooney or Owen are ever unavailable a 4-5-1
with the two wide players constantly getting forward would do the
trick. Beckham, Lampard and Gerrard in the middle, with Wright-Phillips
on the right, Downing on the left, and Owen or Rooney up front. Would
be worth trying. Sven doesn't have the balls to make adjustments though
and would persevere on with his tried and trusted formation. He's
also scared to drop certain players. It was clear that Robinson was
playing better than James at club level, but it took him ages to make
the change. He persists with Campbell even though while he's been
playing very well, Ferdinand and Terry deserve to be the centre backs.
England have the talent, and they've got loads of it coming through,
but Eriksson isn't willing to try and make the changes. Giving the
15 minutes in a friendly with the team constantly chopping and changing
is hopeless. He should really take it seriously in the sense that
he should make about 5 subs maximum, but make the changes in the starting
line up. Fair play to him for giving Wright-Phillips his chance last
night though.
I mentioned earlier that there were a lot of positives to take out
of the England side. Plenty of players to like and plenty of players
to respect, and plenty of players who you really wouldn't grudge the
success. However over the last 8 months since that tournament there's
been so much about the England team and the FA that just can't be
liked or respected. Wayne Rooney is a big overgrown child who is in
danger of combusting. Sven-Goran Eriksson can't keep it in his pants.
The team as a whole are turning into children with their pathetic
media silence after a game a few months ago. Beckham is getting stupider.
Gary Neville thinks he's the referee. The FA just annoy me with some
of their rubbish decisions, but while the conduct of the actual team
are annoying enough, there is one faction that gets on my nerves more
than any other. The media.
I criticises the team in the last paragraph for their media silence
not because I feel the media were hard done by, but because the people
who suffered from the silence were the fans. It's always the fans
who suffer eh? But that's a different article for a different day,
and one I've probably done a couple of times before. Back to the point
in hand though, the media really do my nut. Their constant search
for blame when England lose is ridiculous. Let's blame Urs Meier for
not giving the goal. If it had happened at the other end and had been
given the media witch hunt would have still continued, and it should
be said that while goalkeepers get far too much protection, it was
a foul by the letter of the law. I don't agree with the letter of
the law, but Meier was just following orders. If you've got a gripe
with anyone it should be FIFA and UEFA for their crap rules. Never
been the biggest fan of referees, but the treatment of Meier was a
disgrace.
The scapegoats aswell that the media come out with do my head in.
It's quite clear that there are certain players who'll get the blame
for everything and those who are untouchable. Let's all blame David
James for giving away the penalty, but remember to completely ignore
that it was the worst pass ever by Steven Gerrard - one of the untouchables
after all - that put James in that hopeless position. James get's
all the blame, but if one of my players played the pass Gerrard did,
I'd have him cooked on my dinner table the next day with an apple
in his mouth (and I'm a vegetarian) for that. Meier is the scapegoat
for the Portugal game. The fact that England were awful and allowed
Portugal to completely control the game is ignored, as is the fact
that the England captain put in an abysmal shift. If England had won
the quarter final in normal time it would have been a crime Ronnie
Biggs would have been proud of.
A lot of England fans wonder why so many Scotland fans don't like
them. The fact that a lot of English people cannot be arsed with them
should give them a rough indication. There is so much about the England
national team that can get on your nerves that quite frankly, I cannot
be bothered with them. I tried, but it was too difficult. Nothing
to do with being Scottish. Just the fact that they're a pain in the
arse.
I do hope that one day I can see an England team that I'll be happy
to support again, but it'll take a while. |
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