It’s a Monday evening, and I’ve been asked to make a contribution to what I am told is a new [ish] publication. As it is going to go out in the NE6 area of the city, I’m racking my brains to think of something that a westender from NE5 can say that is remotely interesting, other than something on the one thing that binds us all in this grand city of ours.

Newcastle United.

Aye, Newcastle United.

I could go on about the years I spent working at Longbenton when I was younger, and the Friday afternoons spending my dosh in the Newton when i took a half day. Well, thats about all I could say, because apart from one visit to the Chilli, many years ago, I’ve hardly set foot in the East End, unless you count the Corner House last Saturday night.

So. Newcastle United. Where do I start. Who is a season ticket holder for this unpredictable, erratic, annoying, heartbreaking, heartwarming, loveable, team of ours who despite spending all of our lives cursing the day the bug of supporting them was inflicted on you, simply can’t let go ?

Slight deviation here. Can I talk about Freddie Shepherd. You know, that east end lad who runs the club ? Or is he an East End lad ? Some people say he’s from Cumberland ? Where do they mean ? Carlisle ? Barrow ? Keswick ? Well, is he or isn’t he ? He doesn’t sound like it anyway, if he is. My suspicion is that someone is telling porkies, and not of the Cumberland sausage kind.

Back to Newcastle United. What a roller ride the last 15 years have been. From utter depths and despair and then all aboard the Keegan express, all the way to [almost] the league title of the best team in England. Some people argued that we were, unfortunately though results only say we were the 2nd best. The whole country outside of sunderland, manchester and the beasts down the A19 when they removed their gas masks wanted us to win the premiership that year. Those from Teeside removed any half decent feeling I ever had for them, the day they cheered on the manu gloryseekers to the last day victory which clinched their title win over us, when we had to settle for 2nd place. How sad can you get. I don’t think any NUFC fan could ever want to see us lose a football match, even if it meant the mackems winning the league. Or would we ?

For a while after the marvellous Keegan, and the Messiah disappearing into the sunset forever until resurfacing at Fulham anyway, we stuttered along, riding on the crest of his wave, almost winning the FA Cup twice and emulating the ghost of Wor Jackie, and burying the memory of the 1974 where we may as well have stayed at home, but it was not to be. In the event, we only succeeded in repeating the 1974 experience, twice.

From a 100% winning record at Wembley and 5 wins out of 5, it now stands as a 100% failure rate during the lifetime of yours truly. I’ve seen us lose all 4 Wembley finals in 1974, 1976, 1998 and 1999. There is no tears shed from me for the passing of the twin towers. They hold only bad memories. I wonder if - or when - we will ever go back. Who among us will witness eventual triumph while sitting outside on the grass, without a ticket ?

The stuff of nightmares.

Focus on the FA Cup, people, and the League Cup. Because in my humble estimation, without the injection of American, Russian, or some other generous benefactors hard cash, we have no chance of winning the title in the forseeable future. Little did we know, back in 1996, that it would be our last chance, and just what an opportunity it really was.

Now however, the club is at a crossroads. A good manager is needed, and fast, to change direction and put the club back on the upward path which we all know is where they should be going.

Come back Kevin Keegan, we love you.

What I find most astonishing is that these billionaires have seen fit to put their money into the most detestable, plastic clubs you could think of. ManU, I can understand this one, but Chelsea ? I went to Stamford Bridge when there was a crowd of 8000 back in the old 2nd division. The Scouse bindippers and their despicable, arrogant supporters ? Aston Villa ? Howay man, whats going on ? West Ham ? Even worse. Now Arsenal are rumoured to be the next in line.

Good clubs, yes. But if there is ONE team in the WHOLE of England who is underachieving, has the biggest potential, the biggest army of fanatical supporters, that would simply kill for success, and produce the biggest rewards and adulation anyone could want, is right here. On the banks of the River Tyne. Everyone knows this. Sack their advisors, is all I can say

This article was written for Newcastle-Online by NE5.

NE5 is a regular writer in fanzines, and on the website:

Howay The Toon